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sudden death in carolina

last night i swallowed liquor and a lighter
and this morning i threw up fire
but its nothing new
ive been piecing it together its got something to do
with every look thrown like a knife across a crouded room
and every slow and quiet car ride i spent drinking in the back seat
every stupid melody to every stupid song
and every stupid word that everybody is hanging on
im afraid to be myself because of what they'll think of me.

things lose their touch the more time you spend living.

i pray to kurt cobain and fall in love with boys in books.

i wish for that perfect family on t.v.

im only human.....but sometimes i wish i weren't.

so very odd.....

for the past few weeks i've felt an overwhelming sense of love.  the only problem is that i dont know where this emotion has stemmed from. i feel as if i am in love, but i am not in love with anyone. i have yet to figure out why that is.

Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know,
like how to deal with despair, or someone breaking your heart.
For twelve years I've held it all together but a night like this is begging to pull me apart.
I played it quiet, left you deep in conversation.
I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen.
I remember I kept thinking that I know you never would,
and now I know I want to kill you like only a best friend could.


where to start.....
im only going to introduce myself as Alice, for personal reason.
if there is anyone who is reading this and wants to talk to me feel free....

well im starting this journal not as entertainment but as a medium to vent and also to get all of my ideas out of my head.
i've been going through a lot lately.



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December 2008